220….I hate that number. Every week, I bounce back to that damned number….220. I weigh in at my weight loss group every Thursday night, and magically, I have gotten down to 212 pounds on their scale, but the next day, my scale is back and sitting on that damned number…220.
I seriously have to lose seven to eight pounds every week! I’m sick of having to crash diet each week. If I just eat healthy, a day before my weigh in, I’m still four pounds up. I don’t know what the heck is wrong with my body, but it just bounces all over the place! I run one to two miles five or more days a week, I lift weights three to four times per week, and I eat pretty good!
The weekends are my downfall. I don’t eat a whole lot on the weekends, though. If I know I’m going to be eating semi-bad on a day, I seriously will starve myself all day until I eat semi-bad. I know that’s the wrong thing to be doing to my body, but jeez, what else can I do to get my butt in gear and start shedding some serious pounds??? I have done everything from eating right, taking laxatives, starving myself…I just wanna shoot myself sometimes! Why is it that so many people can eat and eat and eat whatever they want and never gain a pound? They don’t even have to take leptoconnect and other weight loss supplement just to achieve their desired body figure. I was starting to think if life was really unfair. In my case, I had to work hard and discipline myself so I wont get fatter and fatter.
Genes…It all boils down to pure genes. It’s the luck of the draw, and my draw sucks! Just a little background, my weight loss group that I go to, half of the members are from my mom’s side of the family. What does that tell you? We have bad genes!
I seriously have a food addiction. Nothing makes me feel better than stuffing my face with nothing but fattening, fried food, or going through a drive thru and ordering whatever I want off the menu. After I eat the food, of course, I’m filled with guilt…so why the need to feed my pain? I have NO clue. Most people can tell you exactly what triggered their problems. Mine, I dunno, I guess most of my life, I have felt pretty unloved, but I’ve been fat my whole life.
Today, my mom watched my kids for me while I went to school. Oddly enough, I’m taking a nutrition class…this could be fun. Anyway, I get back to my parent’s house and I see my kid has downed more than a half dozen frosted cookies. There was then a plate of ham and cheese on the table and a cup of sugary juice. Oddly enough, he hadn’t touched the meat and cheese! So, what does mom do? She gets him a bunch of cheesy popcorn and a sliver of carrot cake. It really opened my eyes. Did my mom feed me that way when I was three years old? I don’t think so, but who knows! I know that I always had free reign of food. It was never, “You can have one snack and that’s it.” No, I could go to the cabinets and pull out the entire bag of chips and sit in front of the television.
So, for all you psychology people out there, go ahead, psycho-analyze me! I definitely need some help!